I haven’t posted anything in while. It’s probably because my life is moving along at the pace of a snail. I am stuck in a place I don’t want to be. Why?
As I have been growing up I have been trying to understand myself. And my observations have also helped me to understand others as well. I see people making decisions based on approval. People view life as a race to the finish but what is at the end of the finish line? Death…? And what is it they hope to accomplish along the way? To make as much money as possible…? Success is a subjective term I suppose. Society tells us that success is how far we can make it up the social ladder. We base our self worth upon approval from others. We don’t treat others with respect because of who they are as a person, we treat them based on where they stand on this social ladder.
We are all just pawns… we are not deemed worthy by the skills we possess. We are not rewarded for our accomplishments in life. We are only viewed on how much money we can potentially make someone else… and that has nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, intelligence is viewed as a threat… except when it is controlled.
I am considered low class, in terms of how much money I make. Think of life as a game. If my work ethic was rewarded I would be a much higher rank then I am right now. Instead I am held back because the more I work, the less other people have to. I am being taken advantage of… This has a domino effect on others. When people realize they are being taken advantage of in the way that I am, they work less. And why shouldn’t they? They are not getting anywhere by working hard, in fact, they are taking a few steps back.
I have just gotten a bachelors degree in college. Why did I get this degree? To get a career and make more money? To increase my social standing so that I may gain more respect from others and finally be treated the way I “deserve”? I cannot bring myself to conform to the politics of the “upper class” work force. I cannot pretend to be someone who doesn’t see right through people. I don’t know if I can work among them… Wouldn’t they see that I am a hypocrite and an imposter. I don’t want to be valued based on how much money I can make someone else. I don’t know what to do.
I am involved in an online virtual world called Second Life. When people learn this about me they immediately judge me negatively. The reason I indulge myself in this fake sense of reality… is because they do not see me for my race, class, or physical appearance. They solely recognize me for my personality and skill… and nothing more. When I create something I am rewarded with positive feedback. Needless to say, my “rank” in this world is higher. My virtual presence is widely known among the people of Second Life, thanks to the internet.
In short, I am just trying to find a way to exist… without being someone I am not.